Well, a year has slickered
by and, mostly through personal neglect, our live-inna-bucket Christmas tree is
still alive and well. Longer of limb and
taller beyond it’s bigger bucket, it needed only a quick pinch or three to
remove the odd brown bits and a quick if somewhat weighty lift from the deck to
the living room.
As I stated last year, I
have concerns about a live tree casting me, willy-nilly, into that pit filled
with a writhing bevy of suck ass white liberals. I dedicated some time to my powers to
circumvent this fate and finally found a happy solution.
It has been my habit for
most of my adult life to decorate my tree with a changing theme each year…
western, Cajun, fruit & veg, Mexican and the like. This year, to distance myself from the Whole Foods
crowd, I settled on a tribute to junk food.
Off to the stores in
search of ornaments I was both pleased and surprised to discover glass baubles
shaped like hot dogs, bottles of whiskey, cupcakes, popsicles, mugs of beer,
ice cream cones, hamburgers and a big banana split.
Okay, enough of a cash
outlay for this project. To fill in the rest of the tree I turned once more to
my old friend Photoshop, Prince of the Dark Arts. Faster than you could say Hostess ten times,
I had created a nice selection of teeny Spam cans, miniature Velveeta cheese
boxes, orders of fries and scaled down boxes of movie popcorn.
A quick swivel from art
table to sewing machine and I had a lovely garland of small breakfast
sausages.
Start with a string of red
chili pepper lights, add the decorations and some nice rubber doughnut chew
toys, drape your sausages and top the whole affair with a memorial Twinkie star
and you are ready for the fat man to make an appearance.
Merry Christmas to all and
to all a good bite…
You should have titled this one "The Twinkie Defense" then go out and shoot some liberals with a Nerf gun.
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