HELLO, MY NAME IS CHRIS BOLTON

these are my top 40 pick of 247 people on facebook named Chris Bolton)

I am, in turns, a mannish boy in a cloche hat and an angry young black man.  I have an unnatural penchant for ill fitting polyester but I am quick to share a smile. I have the moves of a disco king in my meticulously quaffed blonde halo, stylish aviator glasses and a sexy, if slightly lopsided grin. Too, I am a sensible, if somewhat matronly, professional woman; a cheerful grey panther wearing my mother’s ruby locket and tending to my career and my cats.  I have learned to lean into the camera, one eyebrow slightly raised, a force to be reckoned with, a man you want to have in your corner and a fellow who can give you the best deal in town on your term insurance.  At times I am a lovely young brunette with a winsome smile and sparkling dark eyes.  Sadly, the love of my life is Doodles, a half-breed lap dog whom I cannot break of the habit of viciously nipping at my paramours while we are in the throes of passion.  I find myself to be a bubba-hump from Slidell, Louisiana, a cool if narrow good ol’ boy given to crawdad etouffe and accordion music.  Shades in place, I am more than ready to protect me and mine from home invasion by other aspects of myself.  Then, suave in a rented tuxedo and a cashmere scarf, I maintain a siding salesman’s moustache and know myself to truly be a heartbreaker and easy going seducer of young women.  In my youth I longed to appear bold and mysterious, a student of the arcane and a dabbler in dark arts.  As I mature I realize that, at best, I had managed no more than the look of another lost soul, lonely and loved by the wrong people.  Haunted by this notion I develop and appetite for mid-priced single malts which often manifests itself in sagging skin and a slight blurring of my countenance.  On my up days I like to show my whimsical side, donning an oversized afro wig or displaying a generous amount of eyeball white.  Other days, in my contentment, I am the mother and father of a loveable brood of offspring – six, and one on the way- happily ensconced in a rambling four bedroom with an overgrown lawn and only one bathroom.  My job at the bank is secure and my life is easy going and joyful.